My Swiss Education

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10/25/2007

My Swiss Education

Sometimes, before I visit a new country, I prepare myself by reading travel books, watching movies, or doing Internet research. But with Switzerland, my purpose was to see my friend, Sandra and learn what I can about her country along the way.

Here it is the simple, silly, and the sad.

Military Truth.
All men between the ages of 20-35 serve in the armed forces and store all their equipment (machine guns, pistols, ammo, hand grenades) at home.

Then, in my discussion with Sandra and her boyfriend Oliver, it dawned on me. Sure, you can parachute into the country or lead a tank column across the Alps, but, with half of the population more heavily armed than Detroit, could you get out?

Swiss Military myth: They have fighter jets that can také off from inside a mountain.
Another Swiss Military Myth: They also have a troll army hiding somewhere in the Alps.

Odd bits of information, I learned through experience in Switzerland.

When you are traveling by cable car up into the Alps, other passengers don’t like it if you try to rock the car.
Mt. Santis has a weather station with three Swiss soldiers. Sandra and I never did find out why they are there and who they are working for.
When you arrive at your table in a self-service restaurant and remain standing, it is not a Swiss dining habit. It means “Don’t sit, Tim, we’re hungry. Let’s go get some food.”
The scariest thing you’ll see in Switzerland is the view of the first drop from the cable car tower as you travel down the face of the mountain.
The second scariest thing is the view of the second drop from the next cable car tower further down.
Roasted chestnuts taste sweet.
If you are standing on the street and something smells stinky, you are probably in front of an Alpine cheese store.
You haven’t lived if you haven’t eaten “Truff-cake” or drank “Kirsch.”
If you see a young woman swinging plastic shopping bags filled with cheese around her body. It is not a traditional folk dance, a fertility dance or even the “Yea! I just bought cheese” dance. She is just doing this because she is bored.
When you eat at a restaurant on the top of the Alps, the higher the mountain the steeper the price of the meal and smaller the portions.
Mt. Santis is just a name. It doesn’t translate to Santa Claus in English.
A herd of cows wearing bells around their necks is really annoying.
Chocolate shops are not just candy stores. They are posh boutiques and should be given respect.
No, they don’t have yodeling Karaoke in Switzerland.

General Travel Advice
Do not watch scary movies (like Hostel) while staying with new friends in a foreign country. Or you will lie awake all night wondering: Are they going to gut me with a deer knife in my sleep?

The next morning, when I confessed this fear to Sandra, she just stared at me, but Oliver confessed a similar fear. We all laughed nervously for a moment and then changed the topic.

A cat story.

“Tim, please, we have to go back.” Sandra made a sharp u-turn on the narrow Alpine road. I sat up in the passenger seat. “What’s going on?”

I see a cat’s body up ahead lying alongside the road.

“Oh, no.” Sandra pulls the car over, gets out and starts running towards it. Esther and I follow. As Sandra reaches the cat, it jumps up, wobbles across the street like its hips arent connected, and then it drops after a few feet.

Approaching the cat, Sandra says something in German and pets it. Esther leaves and returns moments later with a coat. A little shaken, I just stand there. What can I do?

Whispering soothing words, Sandra places the cat in the coat and holds it to her shoulder. We walk back to the car while Esther goes door to door to ask if anyone is missing a cat or if they know where a vet is.

A few seconds later, we park in front of a farm house. Esther goes to the door and leaves Sandra, the cat and me sitting in the car.

“I’m sorry, Tim, I have three cats and I couldn’t drive by and do nothing. If something happened to my cats, Id hope a stranger would do the same.”

Staring at the dashboard, I manage to get out a few words. I really don’t trust my voice. ”That’s okay, Sandra, I understand.”

She continues, “In Switzerland, it’s the law. If you hit a pet, you must take it to the nearest vet. But, people usually don’t follow it.”

The cat sighs and then silence fills the car.

Sandra says in a quiet voice, “I think, it’s dead.”

Esther returns and we all go to the house. An older woman answers the door. Sandra, Esther and the vet have a conversation in German. After checking the car, she says that she‘ll dispose of the body.

We thank her as we each stroke its fur one last time.

Finally, looking the cat, I think, I am glad Sandra tried to save you if only to give you a little love and comfort in your last minutes.

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